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Considering Wrath of the Mutants is a seven-year-old arcade game that predates either of those modern takes, that’s not particularly surprising. Besides, it was designed to be easy to pick up and play and suck up as many of your quarters as possible without making you hate it, so it’s probably unfair to expect it to add a lot of nuance to the genre. But if you’re being introduced to it for the first time in 2024, as this console and PC port is intended to do for a lot of people, it does feel a lot simpler than what you might be used to. Simplicity isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you’re looking for more, know it’s not hiding somewhere here.
Events & Programs
From 6PM to 8PM each night, the lights go down and the music turns up. Open to all ages, but please expect bright, strobing lights and loud noises.
A man found a time capsule under his house. The contents were extremely '90s - CBC.ca
A man found a time capsule under his house. The contents were extremely '90s.
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Underground Lair
Anyway, of all my nerdy pursuits, I’d have to say that my love of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is near the top of the list. I’m a bona fide Turtleholic (yes, that’s a thing, and I think I just made it up). No hot boxing their above-ground sewer and no turning H-O-R-S-E into a drinking game. The listing states, "We say no to drugs and alcohol, so none of that in the Lair."
13 TMNT
More on that in a sec, but first let’s talk about how these things are done. They're greasy turtles who subsist on pizza, live a sewer, and have a roommate that's a rat, but they're not running a flophouse, you animal. Once you’ve beaten Hard, however, there’s not a lot of incentive to keep playing besides high scores because there are no other modes and nothing else to conquer. Bafflingly, you can’t even enter your name on the high score screen; Wrath of the Mutants just records the character, so if you play it with friends and you’re switching Turtles it can be hard to know who got what score on a level.
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Still enormously pricey for where it’s located, but hey, it does have 12 rooms… and one big bathroom. Of course, these don’t come in the range of 10,000 plus square feet, so I had to make do with the largest I could find without venturing in commercial real estate territory. What I found is that, averaging the prices for residential property in several apartment buildings, housing in Hell’s Kitchen still costs a hell of a lot—$1,032 per square foot, to be exact. This is the point in the fictional evaluation process when I normally talk about comparable properties, but this time there’s a little something to address before I do that. You see, there aren’t really any comparable properties to the Turtles’ lair because it’s basically a series of rooms in the sewer.
Fun with Baby Animals at Strawbery Banke
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, commonly abbreviated as TMNT, is a media franchise created by the comic book artists Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. It follows Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo, four anthropomorphic turtle brothers trained in ninjutsu who fight evil in New York City. Supporting characters include the turtles' sensei, a rat called Splinter, their human friends April O'Neil and Casey Jones, and enemies such as Baxter Stockman, Krang, and their archenemy, the Shredder. Managing your Turtle Power meter, health, and items in the environment adds a little bit of depth and rewards you for making smart choices about when to use what, which keeps moment-to-moment decision-making fun. When you use Turtle Power at the wrong time, you’ll feel it, but its presence opens up interesting questions. Do you spend that Turtle Power now so you can start building it up again faster, or save it for a big fight to get the most out of it?
That’s right—I ended up using the packaging for the Turtles’ food of choice to measure their abode. To do it, I looked up the dimensions of a standard extra-large pizza box (the only size I imagine the bros would order) and found still frames from the show where I could see the 18-inch-wide packages laying near the lair’s round doorways. I determined that the doorways were four boxes wide, or 72 inches, and then used the door sizes on my floor plan to measure the rest of the lair. Coming up with the first one is always a lot of fun, so let’s start with that. There won't be any awkward interactions with the Turtles and their friends, like Vanilla Ice, because, as it says on their listing, "I told ya we're out. Got evil to fight, battles to win. So we won't be there."
It’s Actually a Shell of a Big Place
That’s not to say I didn’t get totally into everything TMNT… although I never had a lunch box. Our teenage mutant ninja turtle bounce house features the 1987 series theme, but of course you can ask us to change the art panel to subsequent series. Kids can jump like ninjas on the bouncy air mat and meanwhile shoot basketballs.
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In 2023 Palladium books would launch a Kickstarter intended to launch a Redux Edition of the core rules and the Interdimensional Turtles book. The Redux version would contain the old rules with sections to clear up areas of confusion as well as new art by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. The project was launched on October 31 and was funded in less than 24 hours. When the Kickstarter ended in November 8,383 backers pledged a combined $1,277,496 to make the game a reality.
” I couldn’t tell you why the slices explode when they hit enemies, and it’s probably better not to think about it too hard, but it’s an extremely Mikey thing to do and my co-op partner and I laughed every time one of us did it. Like the Ghostbusters firehouse, it’s just something I had to cross off my bucket list. Okay, so it's not actually the lair of the Turtles (you know they're not real, right?). The "lair" sleeps six, include free pizza and has as many attractions as a county fair. The loft space/sleep-in movie promotion includes a glow-in-the-dark basketball court, an arcade, and a video game nook with an impressive TV wall.
Join Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael as they battle evil villains in this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Moon Bounce! Invite your ninja friends to your party and be ready to have a blast with this Ninja Turtles bounce house. The first thing I needed to do in order to determine the size of the Turtles’ lair was decide which version of the combination home/hideout/training facility I was going to use. Like I said earlier, various versions of the Turtles have appeared across a multitude of media, and with every incarnation their home is a little—or sometimes a lot—different. As it so happens, I found that fan sentiment is strongest for the lair as it appeared in the original animated series—or, as it’s referred to by diehard fans, the “original toon” (OT). The OT first aired in 1987, which is right around when I first got into TMNT, so its lair happens to be my most fondly remembered, too—even though subsequent series had much more elaborate ones.
The Amusement Park has you dodging rollercoasters and cardboard monsters popping up in the foreground and background as you explore a haunted house. Enemies literally teleport into the Dimension X stage, and there’s a big eyeball trying to blast you with lightning. And Shredder’s Lair is, well… where you fight the Shredder, and without spoiling things, it’s pretty cool. Not all of the new bosses are as big of a slam dunk, but several – like Karai, Rahzar, and Tiger Claw – are at least memorable. Finally, I stumbled onto a potentially not-so-crazy theory that the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” was inspired to a degree (some say hugely) by Marvel character Daredevil, because of similarities in their origin stories, supporting characters, and other smaller details. I figured that, if this really is the case, the Turtles’ home neighborhood might be similarly inspired, meaning that their ‘hood could very well be Hell’s Kitchen, the same place Matt Murdock patrols as Daredevil.
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